NIGERIA JOURNAL 1999

Part I: Nigeria



November 30, 1999

As I begin this journal, I am very tired - although this is just the beginning of another long journey. It occurred to me just as we became airborne from Dulles International Airport that I have forgotten something pretty important. What if, I thought, no one is there to meet me in Lagos tomorrow? I did not remember to bring the name and phone number of my point of contact. I began to feel panicked. Then I thought, well, worse case scenario would be I'd have to waste some money calling home to get it. It wouldn't be fun, but I would muddle through okay. All I can say is, "I hope our meeting tomorrow goes as planned and that 'Murphy' is on vacation."

Yes, this is the beginning of my third "African Adventure" on behalf of Wings of the Dawn, and the children we seek to serve.

This trip will basically involve two parts: First a week in Nigeria, hosted by Ade Otenaike's family and Chief Segun Olusola. I hope to survey the needs of schools in some parts of Nigeria with the idea of setting up a program similar to one we have started in Mozambique. I hope to also establish a network of contacts among influential people, able and willing to assist on the ground in Nigeria-and who are reliable. The reliability factor is what is so tricky.

The second part will be a return to Mozambique by way of Johannesburg South Africa. I hope I am successful in meeting a member of the Area Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints while in Johannesburg. Why? To cultivate a relationship that I hope will eventually lead to cooperation and assistance between the Church, and our small organization. Afterwards, on to Maputo where, for the next ten days, I will be involved in distributing 11,865 books to five schools and maybe one community center in Chamoio, Manica Province. Also, visiting more schools, establishing more contact, building more trust.

I had my forty-eighth birthday today, but it wasn't much of a celebration. I worked 3 hours at home at my normal IRS job. The rest of the time before leaving for the airport at 3:00 p.m., was devoted to packing. Lyle and I hardly got to be together, less than a full day. I had picked her up at the airport from her trip to Denver over Thanksgiving. We got home late last night. Then I was up at 5:15 a.m. this morning. See why I am tired? I am going to miss Lyle, Amanda and Matt terribly. And I am feeling pretty whiney right now about being gone for so much of the Christmas season. What I need to do is stop feeling sorry for myself and get into the appropriate frame of mind for enjoying the adventure.

I am dogged by uncertainties. Almost anything can happen in Africa, and often does. But that is why there is so much fun in all of this. That is what it is all about.

When Bertram Piccard touched down his Orbiter 3 in the Egyptian desert last March after completing his round the world circuit in a gas balloon, with his partner the first two men to do this, he was interviewed by the press. During that interview, he said something quite interesting:



"The definition of adventure is to accept the uncertainty, accept the anxiety, accept

the doubts, prepare as well as [you can] and jump. It is a metaphor for life."



This time, I will make an effort to see some elephants. There is a place across Maputo Bay where they are rebuilding a herd. I will get over there if I can.

I said it wasn't much of a birthday. But on second thought, it was after all. Lyle and I were together, even if only for a day. And she gave me the sweetest card ever. It almost made me cry.



December 1, 1999

Landed at Charles DeGaul Airport in Paris at 8 a.m. A short lay-over kept me in the airport. We were off again by 10:30 in a very full jet on a flight to Lagos. My fears were unfounded of course. Ade and his brother, Segun, both met me. I was driven straight to Segun's home where we rested for the night. Dinner consisted of fried bananas, french fried potatoes, beef in a spicy(!) sauce and mashed black-eyed peas. All very good, and I never have liked black-eyed peas before.

Segun's hospitality is excellent. His house is huge--each bedroom with its own bath. It could also serve as a small motel. Clearly he is a man who has done well for himself here. He works for an American company.

It is very hot here, day and night. If it weren't for the fan, I don't know what I would do. Lagos is like Maputo all over again--so far as the poverty of most people-only much bigger. I will be interested in comparing the schools here with those of Mozambique.

We flew over the Sahara today, my first flight over it by daylight. At first, it reminded me of other deserts I was acquainted with in Southern California and Arizona. But then I noticed something starkly different. There was absolutely no sign of any human habitation, except for one straight dirt track. Shortly after crossing the Mediterranean Sea, I watched out both sides of the jet, looking for long stretches of time. There were no people, roads, discernable vegetation, signs of settlement, agriculture or irrigation---nothing, only certain variations in bare geological features. No surface water anywhere. I wondered how far down was the water table? If this desert were in the US, wouldn't there be irrigation circles here and there? Maybe not. I was sure, at any rate, that this was not Kansas.

I share a row with an Ibo woman wearing a beautiful native costume. She suggested I include Ibo land in my itinerary of school visits. That they were in far greater need than the schools around Lagos. Her name was Kate, a Nigerian living in Houston coming home for the Holidays.



December 2, 1999

I have found, whenever I return to this continent, it is necessary to "Africanize" myself. If I fail to do so, this becomes a sad, depressing place. The multitudes of people living in squalor and poverty, in hopeless circumstances is overwhelming. Even people who are relatively "well-off" would be poor by US standards. For example, it was reported to me today that a college professor makes only about $75 per month, and that primary and secondary teachers make less - not enough by itself to survive on, let alone support a family. So most teacher's moonlight to survive.

Other areas of concern that require getting accustomed or "Africanized" to is the quality of water (which is undrinkable) and the lack of a reliable power source. Anyone who can afford it has a back-up generator. Most do without. I have been here for just one day (24 hours) and already there have been nearly a dozen power outages. Worse than Maputo, power outages are just a fact of everyday life here.

The fact that there are sharp rivalries between the various ethnic groups within the native populations is the cause of frequent conflicts and strife. Because of this bitter in-fighting, we have been forced to cancel plans to visit the delta region. Everyone agrees that such a journey would not be safe. The government has not yet reestablished control over that region. Kidnaping for ransom is a frequent occurrence. In the face of these problems, how can we think of doing a project in a place like Lagos Nigeria?

It would not be advisable or feasible if we did not partner with an experienced agency with both a good reputation and resources. We have reason to believe that African Refugee Foundation (AREF) is such an organization. AREF is founded and headed by Chief Segun Olusola. This group has offered to partner with us if we decide too go forward with a project in Nigeria.

I spent most of the day today with Mr. Samuel Dewale Solarin. He, along with an entourage of 3 others, took us (Ade and myself) to meet the Director of Public Libraries for the State of Lagos, officials of the National Library, and officers of the US Information Agency. Mr. Jim Callaghan heads that office.

Mr. Solarin, mentioned above, is a Trustee of AREF. At the outset, he lectured on the need of sustainability and accountability for our project. To be effective, it must be on-going and accountable. In this connection, he recommended that we focus on bringing our books to the public libraries and other public institutions that already have a library system in place. With schools, there is a danger, if they don't have a library system in place, that the books won't be properly utilized. We visited libraries today to verify both their needs and their capacity to do much more. Tomorrow, we begin school visitations.

Mr. Callaghan of the US Information Agency, suggested we contact Mobile and Chevron to tap into their expertise in clearing port with our goods. Also, USAID offices here, Nigerian/American Chamber of Commerce, the Nigerian Embassy in the US, and the Ford Foundation here. An official with the National Library system told us of a group with projects similar to ours-Brother to Brother International of Philadelphia. He also had some suggestions for getting the schools to start libraries:

1) Encourage students to form reading clubs. 2) Encourage schools to request technical assistance in setting up libraries from the National Library. They would then send one or two consultants with Master's degrees in Library Science to train the school personnel.

As usual, there is more here to do than we have time for. But we will do our best to meet as many people as possible, establish contacts and determine what the needs are that we can address.

It has been a tiring day-due to the heat and humidity. However, I feel it is good for me to be here and to learn what I can do, how to do it and the identities of those who will help. With the heat and humidity, I am not sure I will ever feel 100%. But I am hoping that, given time, I can get accustomed to it.



December 3, 1999

I hope I can do a better job about writing of today's events than I did of the events of yesterday. But truthfully, if it reads as though things were tedious, it is because yesterday was a might tedious. Today was different. Car trouble gave us a late start. The day began slow, but improved steadily throughout. Since there is so much to share about things that I saw and observed and did, I will be random rather than chronological.

First, I began noticing yesterday that I was not seeing anyone smoking-no, not anywhere. Not the rich or the poor, not the beggars or the thieves; and I have seen all of these; also a few lawyers, in black court robes. But no cigarettes. Why? Today, I was watching more carefully and still could not see anyone using tobacco. So I asked my companions if I was just blind or imagining this. They confirmed that few Nigerians smoke. Reasons were vague. They didn't know why. But all my companions (including 4 Nigerians) considered tobacco smoking a form of weakness-and besides they couldn't afford the habit.

I ate breakfast with Janet this morning. She left to return to England today. As we were eating breakfast, Ade revealed that she had been Miss Nigeria "1993" and that she aspired to enter show business as a singer. This did not surprise me. She is quite lovely. After she left, I heard a recording she had made. It was jazz blues and sounded good to my untrained ears. It would not surprise me if she does ultimately succeed with her plans.

The majority of people living in Lagos and the other States of the region are Yoruba. But Andrew Duya is a Haussa from the North. He has small, vertical tatoo lines between his eyes and temples, which signify his tribe of origin. But Andrew is a Christian. His parents converted from Islam before his birth.

I asked my companions how Yoruba's are distinguished from the Haussa. I was told it was easy. Yoruba's normally wear western style dress, while the Haussa wear mostly white, traditional style robe-like clothing. Now I was really confused. My main host, sitting next to me in the car, Dr. Solarin was a Christian Yoruba wearing a white flowing traditional garment. Andrew, the Haussa sitting behind in the back, was wearing a western business suit (coat and tie) although it was approaching 90 degrees and 100% humidity. I asked how could this be then. They explained that Dr. Solarin's gown was of a different texture than that of a Haussa. In any event, Yoruba tatoos, if they have them, are horizontal gashes on the cheeks, like Diapo's, who was also seated in the back seat.

Different Topic: Foods. I have tried to be open minded. But when I don't like something, I tell my host kindly but directly. (I learned this to survive while working with the south-east Asians). Some of the foods I tried include refried black-eyed peas, cassava paste, and malt drink. The latter I did not like at all. It comes in what looks like a beer bottle. So I checked carefully to verify it was non-alcoholic. It quenches thirst but it is really nasty - over sweet and almost metallic in taste. I drank it all down, but it was hard. Tonight, Ade suggested we try snails. I said no.

The day itself, as I said, was quite eventful. We spent the day in Ogun State, the next state to the north of Lagos. We traveled first to the capital, to the office of the Ministry of Education for the state to pay our respects. Then we visited two schools and a public library in Sagamu. Both the schools had libraries and all three libraries we saw were better stocked than any school or public library I ever saw in Mozambique. Still it was all very sparse.

Of the three libraries, the smallest collection belonged to the Remo Divisional High School of Sagamu. It was also the cleanest and best organized. If this were all that I saw, I would have been convinced that this was the school we should first help. In addition, however, this school has the strong backing of AREF. Also, this school gave us a first class reception complete with song and dance entertainment, some captured on video.

The worst facility visited today was the public library. The books were disorderly. Bookcases were filthy and worst of all, it was only open during government hours (weekdays from 8 to 4). No one could use it who had a job or went to school. I frankly told the administrator of the changes I would want to see before we entrusted his library with books from our sources.

I realize that Remo Divisional H.S. was prepared for a visit. They were expecting us two hours before we arrived. They presented each of the 6 members of our entourage with flowers. It's possible they cleaned up the library just for our visit. But even if they did, the school had a clear vision for what one ought to be. I think I can recommend a project to our board of assisting this school.

The best part of the trip to Sagamu, for me anyway, was the children themselves. They were so small, sweet, and beautiful. Though it was nominally a high school, the ages of the children being taught there seemed to range from 6 to 16. I was mobbed by children again, just like Mozambique, wanting to shake my hand or touch me somehow. It is hard not to get a big head when these things happen.

The video camera was a big hit. Unhappily, at one point, the crowd of children got out of hand a little bit. A teacher had to cuff a couple of them to settle them down. Carefully, when the crowd was not too big, I taped the children and then played it back on the VCR. It was wonderful how they showed their unabashed delight by clapping and cheering.

The sad part was to learn that Sagamu was the cite of ethnic rioting 3 months ago, between the Haussa and the Yoruba. Many, perhaps 20, burnt-out hulks of cars were still in the streets. Many buildings were burned including a major medical clinic. Reportedly, there were many fatalities. Should we be doing a project in Sagamu? Our partner host, AREF, thinks we should-on the philosophy that it would add hope to the people as they rebuild. This is a matter to carefully consider.

One more short matter of human interest: While in Sagamu, we came upon a wrecked petrol truck, with its tank ruptured and gasoline spilling out onto the roadway at the rate of many gallons per minute. To pass it we had to drive by on the wrong side of a divided highway. The fumes would have overcome us had we stayed and it was, we thought, very dangerous. No one was around to control the traffic or to stop the gasoline from pouring out. A few feet away from the wreck (less that 200 meters) was a major stream-a significant water source for the community. If this were America ... Well, America or not, this was a very serious mishap, not just for the truck, but for the community at large. I doubt that there will be any attempt at clean-up.



December 4, 1999

This was a slow day. I spent the first part in the morning shopping for a birthday gift for Ranti (our host's son) who turns 14 tomorrow. He likes music, especially the piano. I was going to get him Yanni. But even with his big sister's help, we couldn't locate a CD store anywhere having a decent selection. So we figured something else out. I spent the rest of the day with our host, Segun Otenaike, at the Golf Club then to two birthday parties for family members of his employees. I saw much today of wonderful native dress. I even donned a Buba given to me by Segun with a traditional hat, purchased for the occasion, for less than $3. The family said I looked truly African. I say I looked truly ridiculous. It was a fun day, but not very productive.

There are a few additional things of minor interest that I wish to relate. (Like I said, this was a slow day.) For lunch at the Club today, I saw for the first time, people smoking, all of them white from the UK. (Incidentally, in the four days since arriving, the only whites I have seen have been at the American Embassy last Wednesday, at the Sheraton Hotel this morning where we attempted to send an e-mail and then at the Club. I would say that in the case of many of the children I saw yesterday in the State of Ogun, I was most likely the very first white man they had ever lain eyes on. You could tell by the look of shock and amazement on their faces as they stared and stared. But, I digress.) As I said, for lunch at the Club, I had Pepper Soup, on Ade's recommendation. When they brought it out, I thought it looked disgusting. (I also remember thinking that I should have had more sense than to follow Ade's recommendations on food, Ade being an admitted snail-eater.) The soup was a teaming, blackish-colored broth, with a little spinach, with a 1 inch thick slab of Catfish Steak stuck in the middle. I thought, this is going to be tough; but I steeled myself for the taste. It was really pretty good, once my mouth and my crying eyes grew accustomed to the heat.

I made a mistake of telling an "American lawyer" joke to a fellow-lawyer (a Black Nigerian) at the Club. He did not think it was funny, mostly on grounds of principle, I think. He proceeded to lecture me about the problems. He practices law, he said, in a system where the "Rule of Law" was nonexistent.

We talk politics a lot while we are driving places, both with Ade's brother, Segun, and with my hosts from AREF. Americans in general, and the U.S. in particular, enjoy high prestige here in Nigeria. Everyone who discusses politics with me tell of their great love and admiration for President Clinton. When they learn of my less generous opinions of my own President, they take me to task. I was amazed by the statement of Dr. Solarin, one of my companions, that President Clinton wasn't just President of the United States, but President of the World. There seems to be a consensus among the native intelligence that (1) Americans are stupid when they act in ways that tend to undermine the prestige of their sitting president; and (2) a strong U.S. President is vital for a strong U.S., and a strong U.S. is vital to world stability and the hope for ultimate justice and human rights. My hosts don't seem to understand that our ability to censor and criticize and if appropriate, to remove our own president, is one of the vital elements to the "Rule of Law" which they crave. If our president ever became invulnerable to censor, or attained a position in our system that is higher than the law itself, that would be the beginning of the end of the rule of law for the United States of America. But this seems to be a difficult concept to sell to people who have never attended a basic 9th grade course in American Civics.



December 5, 1999 (Sunday)

Before rising, I was pondering my family's current situation. We have never before been so spread-out. Indeed, today, we will have family attending church in three states and on four continents. My wife and two youngest are home in Virginia. I have Jacob and Mindy in Idaho and Utah respectively. I am in Africa, Josh is serving a mission in South America and Joseph is studying in Europe. These are amazing times for our all-too ordinary family. I am feeling very blessed, for, notwithstanding the geographic distance that separates us, we have never been closer in unity and love.

While attending church, I established a point of contact in the Stake Public Relations Director; who sought me out and offered his services to our organization. He also owns his own advertizing agency. His name is Cornelius Tay.

The evening was pleasantly spent first in the home of AREF founder, Chief Segun Olusola, and afterwards with some of Segun Otenaike's country club friends. At the first place, the food was all strange to me. At the latter, it was all finger food and thankfully more familiar.



December 6, 1999

This was not as productive a day as Friday was. We went to Lekki first, where we visited the headquarters for Chevron Nigeria. There we met with the Manager of the Purchasing Dept., Mr. Richard Weaver, and discussed how shipping is done by Chevron in Nigeria. The focus was on how we could get the stuff that we gather into the country. Mr. Weaver verified that pre-shipment inspection by Intertec was necessary. He also advised that we ship through Warri on the Delta rather than Lagos because it was a smaller port and more efficient. We had hoped to discuss getting help from Chevron in the form of services, bringing materials over, and getting them out of port. But Mr. Weaver lacked authority to even entertain the idea of his company's involvement. After the meeting, it was decided that getting Ambassador Segun Olusola to contact Chevron's General Manager would be a more productive approach. In the meantime, Mr. Weaver is a good contact. When the time comes, we will be able to get the names of professional port clearance facilitators that Chevron uses. Incidentally, Weaver said it was more efficient to use Warri Port even though it would cost an additional $600 to truck a container from Warri to Lagos.

We briefly visited a secondary school in Lekki. This was very discouraging. It was a poor school with little support from local parents. The principal seemed to lack the capacity for problem solving, and seemed to be waiting for others to do it all for her. There was a library; but it was locked up in a room off her office, with chemicals and junk, and in a state of great disorder. In short, this school is not high on our list of potential candidates for assistance.

So far, we have identified three likely candidates for assistance; the Lagos State public library system and the two high schools we visited on Friday in Sagamu.

After seeing the Lekki school, we made our way to the Ministry of Education. But because of some mix-up, we had to remake the appointment for tomorrow.

We hope to see more schools tomorrow as well. We will also meet with AREF to evaluate our work of this past week. Both Ade and I agree that we must emphasize the need for AREF to begin now to establish a relationship with a competent port-clearing facilitator, and help in finding a piggy-back partner for actual transport of the materials by sea. We discussed Dunlop as another possible partner because it is big here, and we know a few of the people. There are other possibilities to pursue as well. The general idea is to leverage our efforts, not by borrowing money but by using the financial and capital strength of other entities to multiply our own effectiveness.

It has been frustrating to see another day slip by with nothing more to show for it. But I am reminded that none of our goals are possible if they depend on my own efforts alone. It is an absolute necessity to rely on the strength and good will of others to make a project n Nigeria a reality.



December 7, 1999

My last day in Nigeria, and our most productive one in the seeing schools. The first was a small private school near Ikieja, St Gloria School. This is the school that Rante, my hosts son, attends. We also saw secondary schools in the Maryland and Yaba Districts. We inspected the libraries of all three schools and found them likely candidates for our future assistance. All were clean and well organized, a stunning contrast to the one in Lekki. While vising these schools, I took the opportunity to use my movie camera with the instant replay VCR feature. I have done this several times previous. The reactions I get from the students that I shoot is always delightful. One girl exclaimed on seeing herself on the TV, "This is magic!" She was right. It is wonderful magic. Thanks to my mom for donating the camera to us. I have to be careful, however, that I show this amazing toy to just a few children at a time. All the children want to see, and a couple of times, the situation has gotten nearly out of hand. By the way, Elizabeth Otenaike, one of our committee members, is a graduate of the girls school in Yaba which we visited.

We also saw the permanent Secretary to the Ministry of Education for Lagos State, one Mrs. Benson. In all, we waited an hour and a half for her. But the meeting produced an agreement to coordinate and cooperate and assist school's targeted by the ministry for improvement.

Before leaving Lagos, I made one other observation: There are no traffic lights or stop signs in this town of 4 million people. I pointed this out to Dr. Solarin. He contradicted and said, "there are." A few minutes later, he pointed some out to me, but they were not working. I replied, "Those don't count. If the lights are out, they don't count." Am I right?

Shortly after checking into the airport to leave Lagos for Maputo, a man met me asking for $120 as a loan until we get to Johannesburg so he could pay his ticket. He offered his camera for collateral. His dilemma arose because the ticket seller wouldn't accept his credit card, contrary to what was represented to him previously by other Air South Africa Agents. This sounded like a swindle. But something in his eyes made me want to believe him, and in my wallet was exactly $120 cash. I said I don't want your camera. I handed him the money he requested saying "now don't make me a fool." I walked back to Ade outside the terminal, without looking back, fully expecting to never see the photographer again. But there he was soon after I came to the departure gate. He came up to me to say thanks for helping him out of his bind. He offered to pay me back in Rands at Johannesburg at a good exchange rate which is fine. I need the Rands. We had a lengthy discussion.

Next stop, Johannesburg. The man I refer to gave his name as Guy Tillum. He may bolt as soon as we land. For his sake though, I hope he fulfills his commitment. Stay tuned. Thinking of my sister, Kris, tonight. Happy Birthday Kris.











Part II: Mozambique



December 8, 1999

Guy Tillum was as good as his word. While I am not sure that the exchange rate he used was exactly favorable or not, I am relieved that he has substantially fulfilled his obligation.

I was supposed to have been met by prearrangement at both the airports of Johannesburg and Maputo. But due to some apparent miscommunications, both connections fell through leading to the waste of about $50 in cab fares. After great effort and expense, I succeeded in finding the office of the Area Presidency. They actually were expecting me, but weren't sure of the date or time. Of the three members of the Area Presidency, only Elder Christopher Golden was available. He received me, however, with warmth and enthusiasm. Most important to Wings of the Dawn, we discussed possible future involvement of the church in our project in both Nigeria and Mozambique. Again, no commitments were made, just talk, and receptivity by at least one church official for the Southern African Area to the idea. He also indicated that Elder Simmons, the Area President would be extremely receptive to this project. I left materials with him, including our third annual report.

I then had to hurry back to the airport to catch my flight to Maputo. I left my cowboy hat in the car, dog-gone-it! I will have to replace it tomorrow, in some form.

As I said before, no one met me at the airport in Maputo either. I took a cab to my favorite pensao and found there was no room. Went to World Vision headquarters and found that I was not expected. Worse yet, a key person whom I was supposed to meet will be out of the country in East Timor, until the day I leave to go home. These are all obvious set backs. The main thing is that we have the books in port and the means whereby we can extract them and distribute them. There are enough people here to help me pick up the pieces. But there is a lot to do on my own.

Visiting classrooms with school children in them won't be among my activities because the kids are already out for the holidays until January. That will mean that I will concentrate on things that are just as necessary although, perhaps, not as much fun.

I was eventually able to find a decent place to stay for $40 per night, which includes breakfast. It is the Residencial Sundown, at Av. Zimbabwe 1726. I've settled in.

I know that this may sound strange. But poor as Mozambique is, it is also amazing to see how much better Maputo works than Lagos. There are no traffic jams to speak of under the hot humid sun. Climate is much more pleasant, although it is nearly summer here. The electricity works. I am not aware of any power outages in the entire eight hours that have passed since my arrival today. There are traffic lights! And Maputo is strikingly beautiful. Oh what comparisons do for perspective. It is beautiful, unless you are more than two miles from shore. I am looking forward to getting out and walking from place to place and being more physically active during the last 12 days of this journey, instead of being tied down because of the constraints of traffic and concerns for safety.



December 9, 1999

After so many difficulties from the previous day, I am glad to report that this one was a little better. The one pothole was in the port fees. I was told by World Vision one month ago that they would take the goods out of port and keep them until I arrived in December to make distribution. They (meaning Gonsalves and Isidoro) did not do as they said they would do. The goods are still locked in the container in port and we are being billed by both the shipping company and the port for the continued use of the container and the space, costing us $995 extra so far. We have the money to cover this; but what a waste! I suppose the key to avoiding this is more follow up. Anyway, we begin the process of clearing port tomorrow. Hopefully, the goods will be out of port by tomorrow night.

So what happened today that was good? There were several, but the most important one for this project was that I have re-established contact with Concern. My question to them today, was if they were still interested in receiving school texts for the Resource Center in Chimoio? And if they were still willing to pay $1,000 for 2,000 books. The answer coming from Pat McLaughlin of Concern HQ in Maputo was "yes" to both questions. Moreover, they want an on-going relationship for the Chimoio Project and others that are similar. I got the impression that they might be willing to spend more money for more books if available. But until I get the money in hand, we must be only cautiously optimistic. [As things turned out in the end, this caution proved warranted. Concern took less rather than more.]

For its part, World Vision (by Argentina Matovel) stated that they want all the books that we have not otherwise committed. This is all wonderful because they are not just interested, but are helping me target beneficiaries, schools, etc. where the materials will receive the best utilization. [Subsequently, World Vision, also backed way from this original request.]

There is, however, one major task that must be completed before the books can be distributed: We must make a complete inventory, box by box, to enable us to make a fair distribution. Concern wants to know exactly what they are getting before they commit the funds. That's understandable. We also want to disburse the books appropriately, i.e. secondary books to secondary schools, etc. If one school has a special need for history books, at the third grade level, then we will all want to know which boxes contain such materials. I have been in contact with the local Mormon Church here. One of the leaders (Elder Caldwell) indicated that his missionaries would give a few hours of service in this connection. We will also see about getting others in the Branch, especially youth, to help. So it appears that at least some assistance in the inventory process is possible. (Incidentally, this should have been done before we loaded the container last August. Once we complete the inventory I will send a copy to Brazil to show our people exactly how we want it done).

Another event of the day was exchanging dollars for metricais which is 1 to 13,400 approximately. Thus I exchanged $80 for $M 1,088,000 metricais, which is quite a wad.

Finally, I would like to end this entry with a Hymn that has been on my mind lately, because it fits my current frame of mind and spirit: "How Gentle God's Commands" as a spiritual thought. That song may be just about my favorite hymn, because of my recent experiences and struggles. Here are the words:

How gentle God's commands.

How kind His precepts are.

Come, cast your burden on the Lord

And trust His constant care.



Beneath His watchful eye,

His saints securely dwell.

That hand which bears all nature up

Shall guard His children well.

Why should this anxious load

Press down your weary mind?

Haste to your Heavenly Father's throne

And sweet refreshment find.



His goodness stands approved

Unchanged from day to day.

I'll drop my burden at His feet

And bear a song away.



I heard this song on a CD today and it almost brought me to tears. It describes exactly the one effective means for coping with adversity and the vicissitudes of life. I know that this is true from my own experience. When trouble arises, I have a source of strength on whom I can call. I know that all of the good that has come to me in this life, especially my contentment is the direct result of trusting in God and laying my burdens at his feet. I can endure any hardship when I remember and trust Him completely.



December 10, 1999

Today is "hump-day", meaning that now the days of this sojourn abroad are more than half complete. It has been a day full of disappointments, however. I had reason to believe that today was the day I would take our goods out of port. Well, it did not happen. So now, I am told that Monday is the day. It had better be. I am not just running out of patience. I am also running out of time. I will probably need two days to do a decent inventory-and cooperative weather. This is a time that I could easily give way to discouragement. The goods should have been taken from port before my arrival. Now they will stay in port through the 4th day after my arrival. Getting the books distributed properly is another great concern for the time remaining. It is in times like this that I turn to the Lord and say "Heavenly Father, here is the problem. Please take over, and I will do all that is necessary and in my power to do. But where I am lacking in abilities and resources, dear Father, please take charge and make up the difference." I know that Heavenly Father is there for me and that everything is going to be fine. Now I am forced to sit still and wait. There is nothing I can do to hurry World Vision up. It's out of my hands. I have to leave it to the Lord. When I remember that he has all power, and delights to bless those who serve him, I am at peace.

Despite these setbacks which I have been helpless to avoid, I have not been still. I have been in touch with other agencies and collaborators, making appointments for the days ahead. I also paid a personal visit to Senhor Lote Daniel Mondlane., the director of one of our client schools. I was going to give him 1,000 more books if he was using well the materials we entrusted to him last year. I would give him maybe a C+. Some of the reading materials were being used. Others were not. I was pleased to see that he had devised a numbering of the books for loaning them out to the students. He showed me his system. He reports that the books were being borrowed by the students. He keeps them in his office though and most look like they haven't been used at all. The problem is space. I frankly told Mr. Mondlane that if he wanted to get more books from us in significant quantities, he will need to set apart or dedicate a room as a library and furnish it with shelves. He must make the materials available to the students to use and promote their use. So I won't be leaving 1,000 books with him this year. But he did request books on mathematics and beginning English. He will receive some of our stock of these materials this year and more the next if he complies with our directions. Mr. Mondlane has another serious problem. Severe rains have undermined the foundation of one of his classroom buildings which are made of brick and mortar with no reinforcing. The building could (and, no doubt will) fall down before too long if steps are not taken to preserve it. It is very dangerous now. The row of classrooms should not be used while this situation persists. Mr. Mondlane is very discouraged about this situation. We are not in any position to help solve the problem. But I took pictures and will bring the situation to the attention of some of the agencies that I am collaborating with. Perhaps they will help out.

I found great comfort and wisdom in a discourse by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland from last October. I was reading it today at a time when I was trying to regroup from the earlier difficulties.

Elder Holland told a personal story about the time when he set out east with his wife and 2 small children, an old car and a U-haul with all of their belongings. The car broke down after just 34 miles into the journey, overheating. He had to leave his wife and children stranded while he walked 3 miles to get help. They carefully brought the car back to St. George, checked it over and started out again, only to break down again in the exact same spot. Their plight was more embarrassing than anything else. But he was worried for his family's sake, as he made a second three-mile trip for help. That was 30 years ago. Despite an unpromising beginning, things have worked out. They eventually made it to the school in the East. He and his wife raised a successful family, all of whom went on missions, married in the temple and are doing exceptionally well. Elder Holland has been successful in all avenues of life he has pursued.

But two weeks prior to giving this talk, he and his wife drove past the place where they had broken down before. He related the following:

"In my minds eye, for just an instant, I thought perhaps I saw on that side road an old car with a devoted young wife and two little children making the best of a bad situation there. Just ahead of them, I imagined that I saw a young fellow walking toward (town) with plenty of distance still ahead of him. His shoulders seemed to be slumping a little. The weight of a young father's fears evident in his pace. In that imaginary instant, I could not help calling out to him: "Don't give up boy. Don't you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead-a lot of it-30 years of it now and still counting. Keep your chin up. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come."

I received this encouragement this morning when I needed it most.



December 11, 1999

You know it's hard to believe that 1/3 of December has already slipped away. Today is Saturday, so I had little to do, except visit the markets and do a little sight-seeing. I walked many miles for most of the day and saw a few things that I had not previously seen in my previous visits, i.e. a monument to some Voortrekers who traveled from Transvaal to Lorenzo Marques. I walked all around the original fortress. I searched for an original Nativity Creche at the crafts fair, but finding none, I didn't buy anything else.

I spent a large chunk of the day in the Vasco de Gama Botanalogical Garden. There were many weddings performed and celebrated today at that location. I read, watched, listened, and enjoyed the wonder of it all. So much music. Also, there was the high-pitched warbling sound that is made with the tongue. I believe this is a sound that may be heard in most parts of Africa.

Last year, Kyra Dufro contacted me at my home about our work. I paid her a visit this afternoon by appointment. We discussed what Wings of the Dawn is doing and how she might help. She referred me to a Danish NGO-ADPP, which has schools and resource centers here in Maputo. She says they have library infrastructure and would welcome our assistance. I will try to look into it this week.

After my visit with Kyra, I walked to the ocean side of the city. It was cool and breezy. By the time I made it home, it was 7 p.m. and getting dark. I am very tired tonight. Can hardly keep my eyes open.

I was thinking about Krya Dufro again. She has married a native Mozambican. She is an English woman with American ties. Also, she is amazing, living cheerfully under conditions which most Americans would consider harsh, and by her own choice. She has thrown her lot with the people of Mozambique and has chosen to be one with them.



December 12, 1999

This is late spring for Maputo and summer is fast approaching. The red Acacia trees that line many of the avenues of this city are in full fiery bloom. So are thousands of other flowers. Actually, there is always something blooming around here, but now more than ever. Therefore, I am not surprised that my hay fever has flared up again as bad as it was last June-only I didn't bring any of my remedies with me.

The days are quite long too. Since this country does not use daylight savings time, the mornings get light earlier than I've ever experienced. The skies are already brightening in pre-dawn twilight by 4:30 a.m. (Yes, I wake up that early, dog-gone-it, inspite of my efforts to sleep-in.) It does not get full dark until after 7 p.m. And hot? Yes, and humid too. But not like Lagos. Here at least, there is an occasional breeze. It is almost enough to make one lonesome for winter though.

I attended church today and had Sunday dinner with friends. I turned the several volumes of church books I had brought (which were acquired at my own expense) over to President Caldwell expressing my hope that they would become the genesis for the new resource center in the new building; that they would be protected and yet not kept from the members under lock and key. The members need access to them and they need ti be encouraged to use them if they are to do any good.

That's the rub. In this country, books are so rare that they are precious-so that theft is a real problem. Therefore, I fully expect that when I return with more books next year, both for the church (my personal project) and for the schools (Wings of the Dawn's Project), I will be replenishing the supply of many books lost by theft. This could be discouraging if we let it be. However, it is no answer to give up and quit the project. Even stolen books may be read and cherished by someone-perhaps even the thief. And then at least they are being used. Rather, I think the solution lies in flooding this country with so many books of all kinds that books become commonplace, objects no longer worthy of a thief's covetousness. So we will continue in these endeavors.



December 13, 1999

Today was the crucial day. We succeeded in clearing our shipment of Portuguese language books from port and loading them in a temporary building located in the rear of World Vision-Mozambique's headquarters. It's a good thing I brought an extra $1,000 in cash along with me beyond planned expenses or I would not have been able to do this. I spent $1,280 today paying obligations still owed for port space, the container (both of these attributed to the delay in clearing port), hiring a truck and 5 laborers to load and unload the truck. I am relieved that this stage is complete. The next stage, of organizing for distribution, begins tomorrow. I will be meeting as many as 9 people here tomorrow at World Vision HQ. If we can each do 17 boxes, that will do it. I would like to do it in one day if possible. I know I will be lucky to get anyone to work more than 4 hours at this. But I will take whatever help, that is honest that I can find. This will be voluntary service. I had a look at the materials again today. Although these are school books mostly, there is no doubt these books are obviously superior to the materials provided by the government for the public schools in this country.

I feel very happy, very blessed to have come this far. Now, it is time to roll up the sleeves and do some physical labor.

Tomorrow I must also coordinate with Mark Nelson who is the CFO here for World Vision. He owes Wings of the Dawn $1,000 (+or -) to reimburse part of the amount prepaid. The deposited amounts were supposed to have been used to pay the expenses paid by me from the extra funds I brought.

I also met the military attache today at the US Embassy, LTC Peter Aubrey, on recommendation of Pam Hill, DOD Education. However, he made it clear to me that he didn't care because his time remaining at this duty station was short. He suggested I talk to the Peace Corp. I may just do that if there is time. On the whole, the time spent meeting with him was not productive.

Many thanks, though, to World Vision. It took them a while, but they finally came through.

I am really missing my family tonight. Family members, especially Lyle, are starting to haunt my dreams at night. I wish I did not have to be gone from them for so long. But it is clear that the tasks that need to be completed will take all the allotted time, if not longer. At least I am busy, and during the day, there isn't much time to think about being lonely.

There was a power outage last night, my first one since leaving Nigeria. But it was raining and I am pretty sure the weather caused it. Incidentally, I was told by someone today that NEPA (the acronym of the Nigerian utility) stands for "No Electric Power Anytime."

December 14, 1999

I am thankful that this day is over. If there was ever a time when my life lacked glamour or excitement, it was today. This was the time when the long awaited inventory was made. I was at it for 13 straight hours without a break for meals-because I wanted it done today. It's still not quite done though, because I must now transcribe my notes into an acceptable format. But I will do that first thing tomorrow. Now that the books are here, will they be wanted? Will they be used? Well, several people have come by and asked for a little of this or that. But after it's been picked over, will most of it go to waste? These are questions that prey on my mind. They are mostly school books after all. The reaction I get these next few days could make or break this project.

But for now, I rest. Several times today, I thought to myself, "I wish Lyle were here to help. This would go faster. She would help me remember things."

Actually, I was only alone about a third of the time. I had quite a bit of help. Six missionaries now assigned to Mozambique were with me this morning counting books. Then there were 3 additional members, so at one point, there were ten of us working together. I was very thankful to them, not just for the help, but for the company as well. Brother and Sister Caldwell took a box of books that they will use to teach their ESL classes. So at least the English books are in demand.

Many people I see on the streets of Maputo are wearing clothing that is obviously donated from other parts of the world. Some of the tee-shirts are somewhat off the mark. For example, one young girl was wearing a shirt that said, "I'm not old. I'm just a recycled teenager." I saw a young man on the street yesterday wearing one that said, "World's sexiest Grandma."

Well, that's about all for now. As I said not much excitement-only tedium. I am tired, but also very thankful. It didn't rain and for the most part, we got to work in a cool building. I am thankful, and I know that somehow Heavenly Father and I are going to make this work.



December 15, 1999

I spent the morning in-doors preparing the inventory, taken yesterday, for presentation to potential partners besides World Vision's schools and the Escola Communitaria 4 de Outubro. In the process, I found several errors, all in connection with misnumbered boxes. (Some of these boxes had more than one number on them, so for about one dozen of them, the number on the box was misstated.) At this stage, there is no choice but to exclude those boxes from inventory except as to World Vision, who will keep and distribute all other books not selected by others on a default basis. This was another tedious and lonesome task, occupying nearly four hours of time.

The afternoon was spent in initiating contacts with other potential partners including APODICRED in Infulane, a local NGO that we have helped before in connection with the Escolas de Preemsinasuento de Patrice Lumumba a Sao Damasco; ADPP, a Danish NGO; CONCERN, the Irish NGO; and the Brazilian Embassy. I will continue pursuing these contacts and others tomorrow and the day after. I will also continue coordination of distribution with World Vision's Argentina Matavel.

This is hard work for me. As I grind my way through this, there is the constant temptation to compare our group with larger organizations with fat budgets, offices, employees and cars to drive. I am always having to remind myself that it isn't the size that counts, but in how well we accomplish what we set out to do. If we improve the life and give hope to just one person and help that person find and make a better life through a more meaningful education, these efforts are worth the cost. But we can do better and therefore we should.

This gets so hard, though, that sometimes I feel like quitting. But I hang on and gradually things start improving. That is what happened this afternoon once I started visiting people again about our project. In connection with not quitting, I was reading a discourse by President James E. Faust, in which he related the story of a young boy who was a piano student. His mother, wishing to encourage him, "bought tickets for a performance of the great Polish pianist, Paderewski. The night of the concert arrived and the mother and son found their seats near the front of the concert hall. While the mother visited with friends, the boy slipped quietly away."

"Suddenly, it was time for the performance to begin, and a single spotlight cut through the darkness of the concert hall to illuminate the grand piano on the stage. Only then did the audience notice the little boy on the bench, innocently picking out 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.'"

"His mother gasped, but before she could move, Paderewski appeared on stage and quickly moved to the keyboard. He whispered to the boy, "Don't quit. Keep playing." And then leaning over, the master reached with his left hand and began filling in the bass part. Soon the right arm reached around the other side, encircling the child, to add a running obligato. Together the old master and the young novice held the crowd mesmerized." (He quoted this from a talk by Ann Woodland, Idaho Falls, Idaho.) Then the following point for this story was made, (again quoting from Ann Woodland).

"In our lives, unpolished though we may be, it is the Master who surrounds us, and

whispers in our ear, time and time again, "Don't quit. Keep playing." And as we do,

He augments and supplements until a work of amazing beauty is created. He is

right there with all of us, telling us over and over, "Keep playing."

Ensign, Nov. 1999, p. 101.



December 16, 1999

This may have been the most crucial day for this journey. True to the advice noted in my previous entry, I "kept playing" and praying. I called on more people today than on any other single day of this trip. As a result, there is now definitely visible a silver lining on the clouds which were so foreboding since my first arrival in Mozambique one week ago. The worry and concern were that (1) the collection was poorly organized and (2) that only a few of the books gathered would be wanted or utilized.

Today, I made contact with the Danish NGO, ADPP (Associacao de Desenvolvimento Povo ao Povo), sometimes and more generally known as Humana, or People to People. This group is concerned with education and runs several teacher's colleges throughout the country. I spoke with vice-director, Mr. Orjan Vilen. I showed him the list of the materials that we had. He said that they would be interested in getting as much of these materials as possible. School texts of many different types were just what the teachers needed for study in preparation for their careers. He showed me their library and it was like all the others that I have seen here, almost non-existent, but with a definite interest in getting libraries started at all of their colleges.

The other development was that Argentina Matavel, of World Vision, told me at last that they would not be wanting most of the books we had after all-that school texts from Brazil were useless to them and so forth.

I called Mr. Vilen to advise of this development. He was overjoyed. During my short visit at ADPP, we discussed some options for possible partnership arrangements (or joint venturing). Again, it seemed that anything was possible if it would result in them getting the school books, and all other types of books needed. This is a break through; (I am at least hopeful and with good reason). Now, instead of dealing primarily with World Vision, (which all along exhibited an attitude that they were merely "doing us a favor," and therefore getting very little respect from them along the way); we will be dealing with a partner on a more equal footing. We would be providing for them the materials they so desperately want and they would be providing the expertise needed to get the goods into the country, and the funding to transport them in Mozambique where ever their projects need them. Well that is the gist of what we were proposing today and there was interest. The most immediate concern seems to be resolved. I explained to Mr. Vilen that there was one catch-that he would have to have all the materials removed from the temporary building behind World Vision by the middle of next week. "No problem," he said.

If this deal is made, and there is good reason to hope and believe that it will, it will represent a shift from the original concept of this project. Our object at first was to improve education by making books available to children in their own languages. Now, we would be improving education by making such books available first to their teachers at the teacher colleges. I think this is in harmony with our overall mission, but it is a practical adjustment necessitated, in part, by the fact that used school texts from Brazil represent the bulk of the shipment.

I will be meeting with ADPP again on Saturday to have a more complete understanding of their facilities and programs and to work out the details of our relationship which we are beginning to form.

Today, I also met with Sergio Victorino of APODECRID; Mr. H. Roy Trivedy of Save the Children (UK); Ms. Martha Newson, the Director of World Vision-Mozambique; Eileen O'Dwyer of Ireland's GOAL-Mozambique; and Mr. Manuel Francisco Lobo, the adjunct Director of Planning for the National Ministry of Education. The latter was especially encouraging of our project.

I am becoming ever more convinced of the principle that whatever the task, and whatever the difficulty, if we "keep playing" and refuse to give into despair by quitting, things will work out. I have been led today, and I believe I know who has been leading the way.

I don't know if, or for how long, we will continue to work with World Vision in Mozambique. It is apparent (and has been all year) that their priorities are elsewhere and that we should begin in earnest to look for another partner. Nevertheless, this group has given us valuable service and helped us get started. For this, we will always be thankful, and will reciprocate when and if the opportunity arises. A fine suggestion was made by Argentina Matavel, one of simple common sense: Why not avoid mixing books of different subject matter in the same box? I did not have a good answer and I don't think she was in the mood for lame excuses. Certainly, it is a suggestion to be implemented, time and manpower permitting.

One last thing: This was the first time I have succeeded in talking with the Ministry of Education at the National level. It needed to be done. Now, when asked, I can say that "yes, we have advised the ministry of our project" (mentioning Mr. Lobo by name) "and have received its informal encouragement." During my interview with Mr. Lobo, he casually inquired as to the number of books we have shipped, asking if it was maybe a 1,000 or 500 or fewer. I told him that the number brought in from the port this week was actually more than 11,800. When I said this, he was so surprised that his jaw visibly dropped. Watching his facial expression change like that made my day. I showed him samples of the types of material we had brought and he said that this was a good project which he supported.

Last night, I was so full of concern that I did not sleep well. As the morning came, a scripture came to my conscious memory, repeating itself to me over and over again in my mind: "Be still! And know that I am God." It gave me hope, and the day was not only bearable, but one of the best.



December 17, 1999

This morning was spent working out between World Vision, ADPP and Concern how the books would be divided. I also visited with Mr. Peter Nkhonjera, the deputy Field Office Director for Save the Children, USA. He expressed great interest in participating in future shipments and helping us defray part of the cost of shipping by paying a certain amount for every book they receive.

After vising with Mr. Nkhonjera, I returned to the village of schools established by ADPP in Machava. I discussed a long term partnership arrangement between our agency and theirs, one that would make them our main importer and end user of at least half of the books we send. This would mean we would not be dependent on World Vision's "charity" to us. Rather, we would have another partner in ADPP-with whom we would be on a more equal footing with in the relationship. We reached a tentative agreement and I will draw up a memorandum of our understanding when I return home. After we work this out between ourselves, the memo will form the basis for our relationship. Making this connection has been the happiest event of this trip and has turned this whole thing around. I am completely confident that all of the books will go to agencies that will use them well.

The afternoon was spent making the physical division. I will continue this work tomorrow morning when I will make an end.

I finally got to read the e-mail sent by my wife to me 5 days ago on Sunday. It was full of happy news. I am looking forward so much to returning to home and family. But I have been in touch with some very good people here. I am thankful for the help received from World Vision, as far as it went. I am especially thankful for physical assistance and general encouragement given to me by our new LDS missionaries. They are just fantastic. I am also thankful for encouraging words of President James E. Faust, which I derived from his discourses of last October, brought along with me on this trip. I end this entry with another quotation from one of his sermons concerning "Hope, an Anchor of the Soul." He said "Hope is like the sun, which, as we journey towards it, casts the shadow of our burdens behind us!...Hope sweetens the memory of experiences well loved. It tempers our troubles to our growth and our strength. It befriends us in dark hours, excites us in bright ones. It lends promise to the future and purpose to the past. It turns discouragement to determination." -Attributed to Samuel Smiles, in Stan and Sharon Miller, comps., Especially for Mormons, 5 vols. (1971-1987), 2:113. Tonight, I am full of hope and thankfulness.



December 18, 1999

I was up before 5 this morning with the intent of being at the World Vision Office before 6 a.m. I made it there five minutes before and immediately began the task of separating the four hundred and forty-five books that CONCERN is to receive. They had asked for two thousand previously. I think they will be sorry that they reduced the size of their order once they see the quality of the books that they are receiving-and the variety. Actually they had ultimately requested only 378 volumes, at our bargain price of 50 cents per book; so they will be getting 67 extra at no charge. I hope they are satisfied and request more the next time around.

This task of final separation only took me three hours. It passed pleasantly because President Caldwell came by again to help with the sorting. He came by at shortly after six in the morning, and we worked side by side together. He was just there without my asking.

Afterwards, we delivered three boxes containing 201 books (200 of math and one English to the Escola Comunitaria 4 de Outubro. Earlier that week, we had donated about 40 English books to President Caldwell and Sister Caldwell who are teaching a class in ESL (English as a Second Language). Thus, the final tally for distribution of the 11,865 books sent from Brazil last August ends up being as follows (and these are estimates):

40 - English Teachers 201 - Escola Comunitaria 4 de Outubro

445 - CONCERN 2,765 - World Vision

8,414 - ADPP

I am very happy that the job is now completed. Things did not go at all as I had planned. The man in charge of coordination of this project for World Vision, Isidoro Costa, was away in East Timor checking up on his family. (Very understandable, but the timing was not good for our project). This morning, just after we had completed the division (and for all intents and purposes, this year's project), as we were waiting to turn in the keys to storage building, Isidoro arrived. Evidently, he had flown in last night. He was just passing by and he said he didn't have much time to visit. I guess I got a little incensed with him. I said "You wait. You owe me five minutes of your time at least. I came half way around the world at great expense to do something very special for your school children in Xai Xai and tomorrow, I am returning to the US. You can give me five minutes even if you are made a little late to where you are going." He relented and I took him back and showed him where the books were stored. I explained to him the division and who was to get what. As I said, Isidoro was in a hurry so he didn't hardly look at the books that were set aside for World Vision. But as I was locking up the storage building again, he said something very interesting: That East Timor has a crying need for books in Portuguese. He asked if we would do a project like this for his homeland. I told him frankly that we would only consider it if he would arrange for 100% of the financing because all of our funding is committed to projects in Mozambique and Nigeria. He was undaunted. He said, "I will go to work on that." Well, we will see.

The managers for CONCERN and ADPP have until Wednesday of the coming week to pick up their books. However, I called up both managers today at about noon and strongly recommended they pick up their stuff as early on Monday as possible. I will already be gone but I gave them the name of Pedro Wate as the World Vision point of contact, and Wate has the names and numbers of the contact persons for ADPP and CONCERN. The reason for them to be quick is not so much for World Vision's need for the space but more because of concerns about pilferage. I am also more than a little concerned when the World Vision managers realize the quantity and quality of materials they could have had and had simply given up to ADPP. But World Vision's mistake here is, I believe, ADPP's coup. This same is true of CONCERN. They could have had far more than what they are getting, but they did not take advantage of the opportunity. This whole affair has been a giant windfall for ADPP and their managers are both aware of and ecstatic for what has happened.

On this trip to Mozambique, I traveled less than ever before, only as far as Machava, about 10K out of town. But I really did not have much time to travel. There was barely enough time to get everything done as it was. My body will need a rest when I get home from this "vacation." I am worn-out, but very happy and excited that things have turned out as they have.

I should add that three days ago, on Dec. 15, when I was compiling the inventory sheets, and discovering error upon error in the recording of box numbers the day before-I was at my lowest point. I was even trying to figure out how I could just quit without looking like too big of a fool, which was, of course, impossible. I was nearly convinced that what we had was worthless junk that nobody would want, and that World Vision would end up hauling most of it to the dump within 30 days of my departure. There are no such fears anymore. Rather, it is just the opposite. I am more worried that World Vision people will think I have cheated them somehow. In my talk with two of the officials yesterday, there were hints that this would be so.

The fact is, however, that World Vision could have had more, but chose to take less. Despite the problems encountered along the way, I am still appreciative of World Vision. They were helpful to us in the past when we were just getting started. But this past year, there have been changes in personnel. The attitudes and the environment have changed. They have been extremely difficult to deal with all this past year. You see now why I am thankful to have found a new partner in ADPP. However, this is not the reason World Vision is ending up with such a minor part of the shipment. Rather it was primarily the result of their own selection, and secondarily, the need to balance their selection with the request of the other agencies involved. (Actually, World Vision ended up only short by 235 books from the original commitment of 3,000 and about 100 less than their final request two days ago.)

Anyway, the upshot of all this is that I am not quitting. Everything has worked out just fine. In spite of all the problems encountered along the way, I have done my level best to be both fair and generous to all concerned.



December 19, 1999

I attended church with the Maputo Branch one more time before departure. The house was jammed packed and there was no air conditioner or even electrical power for fans today. So it was incredibly hot. I am afraid that I found it hard to enjoy the meetings under those circumstances. If I were more spiritual, I would have done better. I took videos of the primary though and replayed it for the children. The kids were adorable. After meetings, I took videos of most of the branch on the patio.

And so now I am at last on my way home.

I am satisfied that all of our goals for both Nigeria and Mozambique have been reasonably met. As for Nigeria, our goal was to explore places where a book project could be established, and to build contacts and relationships. For Mozambique, our goal was to off-load the shipment of books and see to their distribution to entities that would use them to the best advantage in educating children in Mozambique. We also succeeded in forging a relationship with a new trading partner. We are no longer dependent on World Vision. Now the question which concerns me most is whether we can maintain the flow of collection of books from Brazil and establish a system of collection in the US for Nigeria? Can we get the manpower necessary to organize the collections and inventory them properly before shipping? The logistical problems are daunting. I must work harder to establish a broader collection network, in addition to fund raising. But these are matters to be taken on for another day. For now, I am satisfied.

On this date, I spent much of my time reading the October Conference talks and the scriptures. I cannot say however, that I did a good job in keeping the Sabbath Day. Traveling on Sunday makes it hard, and I made a few purchases in the airport to cure thirst, hunger and finally book lust. That's what happens once you start, for whatever reason, its hard to stop.

Nevertheless, I found the talks that I read inspiring. I especially enjoyed the remarks by L. Tom Perry. Quoting Harry Emerson Fosdick, he said that "some Christians carry their religion on their backs. It is a packet of beliefs and practices which they must bear. At times it grows heavy and they would willingly lay it down, but that would mean a break with old traditions, so they shoulder them again. But real Christians don't carry their religion. Their religion carries them. It is not a weight. It is wings. It lifts them up, it sees them over hard places, it makes the universe seem friendly, life purposeful, hope real, sacrifice worthwhile. It sets them free from fear, futility, discouragement and sin.- which enslaves men's souls. You can know a real Christian, when you see him, by his buoyancy." The Twelve Tests of Character (1923) 87-88.



December 20, 1999

What a difference a day makes. Yesterday, it was summer. Today, it is winter. Yesterday morning the sun dawned at about 4:30 a.m. This morning, here in Paris, the sun made no appearance until nearly 8:30 a.m.

Rather than wait around the airport, I took a train downtown and walked in and around the Cathedral of Notre Dame, some of the streets of central Paris, the Luxembourg Gardens, and off in the distance, the Eiffel Tower. There is a lot of history in this city, of which I know but little. I would like to spend a little time learning about France and how it developed as a nation. I spent part of the time looking for something French to bring back for Matt. I almost bought him a French Action Comic Book about an IRS secret agent. No kidding. But decided against it. I got him a beret instead. If he doesn't like it, he can give it to his mom or one of his sisters. Then I got an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's. On the tray was a Monopoly Game in French. I saved it for him thinking he would like that better than anything else.

On this last leg, I think of all that waits: my work, estate business, church assignments, continuation of Wings of the Dawn projects and most importantly, family matters. For the next few days, we won't be quite as spread-out. We will have Jake and Mindy home with us at least-to be home again with family. This is what my life is all about. This is where I am most happy. And now it is Christmas time. I have missed much of the Christmas season at home by being away. Yet I have been engaged (ironically) in keeping Christmas in the very best way that I know how: sharing with others. Now I will be sharing the season at home with my family.

Several themes stand out from the events occurring on this trip and some of my meditations as to their meaning. I suppose that the gist of all this is that there has been a lot of opposition to wade through. Nigeria was hard for me primarily because I was not used to the climate and other physical circumstances that pervade in Lagos as described. But the trip was apparently a success and came off very close to what was previously planned in large part due to the high level of help and the interest of our new partner there, African Refugee Foundation. On the other hand, with respect to the Mozambique portion of the trip, there was less physical challenge there because the climate and physical conditions were more pleasant. But overall, Mozambique was more challenging because of the physical labor, the tedium of sorting the books and seeing to it that they were distributed among agencies that would put them to the best use. Hardly any aspect of the Mozambique visit went as planned. It looked, for a time, as though all of our efforts, with respect to our project there, were wasted. I suppose the dominant theme in all this is that there is no failure unless we quit. We did not quit, rather, we pressed forward, clinging to hope, trusting in the arm of God to work miracles on our behalf when despite our best efforts, we would otherwise fall short. The result was that our goals were all fulfilled in a wonderful way, yet not at all as originally planned or anticipated. The hand of God was evident in the events that transpired.

Throughout these last few days, I have done my utmost to share light, truth and knowledge with others for the betterment of mankind. I have supervised the distribution of 11,865 books to schools and agencies in Mozambique.

In connection with the theme of Sharing the Light, there is a story which I now transcribe to these pages in conclusion. It is a story that inspires me to continue these efforts:



"Near the village of Gonia, on a rocky bay of the island of Crete, sits a Greek Orthodox monastery. Along side it, on land donated by the monastery, is an institute dedicated to human understanding and peace, especially to reapproachment between Germans and Cretans. An improbable task, given the bitter residue of wartime.

"This site is important because it overlooks a small airstrip at Maleme where Nazi Paratroopers invaded Crete and were attacked by peasants wielding kitchen knives and hay scythes. The retribution was terrible. The populations of entire villages were lined up and shot for attacking Hitler's finest troops. High above the institute is a cemetery with a single cross marking the graves of the Cretan partisans. And across the bay, on another hill is the regimental burial ground of the Nazi paratroopers. The memorials are so placed that all might see and never forget. Hate was the only weapon the Cretans had at the end, and it was a weapon many vowed never to give up, never ever.

"Against this heavy curtain of history, in this place where the stone of hatred is hard and thick, the existence of an institute devoted to healing the wounds of war is a fragile paradox. How has it come to be here? The answer is a man, Alexander Papaderos. He was a doctor of philosophy, teacher, politician, resident of Athens, but son of this soil. At war's end, he came to believe that the Germans and Cretans had much to give to each other-much to learn from one another. That they had an example to set. For if they could forgive each other and construct a creative relationship, then any people could.

"The institute has succeeded and has produced a productive interaction between the two countries. Alexander Papaderos has become a living legend...[To] be in his presence is to feel of his spirit and feel of his extraordinary electric humanity. Books have been written based upon dreams realized as people gave to people in this place.

"It was near the end of a wonderful two week seminar on Greek culture, which the author attended, when Alexander Papaderos rose from his seat in the back of the room, walked to the front and looked out the window. His gaze, along with those in attendance, went to the German cemetery on the hill across the bay. He turned and asked, 'Are there any questions?' Quiet quilted the room and then the author asked, 'Dr. Papaderos, what is the meaning of life?' The usual laughter followed, and people stirred to go. Papaderos held up his hand and stilled the room and looked at the author for what seemed a long time, asking with his eyes if he was serious and seeing from his eyes that he was. 'I will answer your question.'

"Taking his wallet out of his hip pocket, he fished into a leather billfold and brought out a very small, round mirror, about the size of a quarter. And what he said went like this:



When I was a small child, during the war, we were very poor and lived in a remote village. One day, on the road, I found the broken pieces of a mirror. A German motorcycle had been wrecked in that place.



I tried to find all the pieces and put them back together, but it was not possible, so I kept only the largest piece. This one. And by scratching it on a stone, I made it round. I began to play with it as a toy and became fascinated by the fact that I could reflect light into dark places where the sun would never shine-in deep holes and crevices and dark closets. It became a game for me to get light into the most inaccessible places I could find.



I kept the little mirror, and as I went about my growing up, I would take it out in idle moments and continue the challenge of the game. As I became a man, I grew to understand that this was not just a child's game, but a metaphor for what I might do with my life. I came to understand that I am not the light or the source of the light. But light -- truth, knowledge, understanding -- is there, and will only shine in many dark places if I reflect it. I am a fragment of a mirror whose whole design and shape I do not know. Nevertheless, with what I have, I can reflect light into the dark places of the world -- into the black places in the hearts of men -- and change some things in some people. Perhaps others may see and do likewise. This is what I am about. This is the meaning of my life.



"He then took the small mirror and, holding it carefully, caught the bright rays of sunlight streaming through the window and reflected them onto the author's face and onto his hands folded on the desk."

The author of this piece was Mr. Robert Fulgham, who further commented on this experience, stating that much of the information learned in that seminar has long since passed from his memory. "But in the wallet of his mind he carries a small mirror. Are there any questions?"

--from "It Was On Fire When I Lay It Down," by Robert Fulgham, 1988 Ivy Books, pp. 171-175.



- To Be Continued -


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